Overcoming Manipulation, Toxic Behavior and Spiritual Abuse (Courageously)
Don't be a victim in toxic relationships and environments. You are as responsible to safeguard yourself and others. Take ownership, responsibility and make the world a better place
1. Overview
One of the unfortunate realities of life is that we come across people who exhibit toxic behavior. You may face this in personal relationships, workplaces, religious settings, family, community, etc. The relationship seems to start to go well (perhaps too well), then turns manipulative/abusive to pathological levels - or it may seem on and off, hot and cold. Or worse, it can be a parent or a dominating patriarch/matriarch who is controlling/toxic, and so you may have faced it all your life and may have become baggage of your personality that you carry. The sheer irrationality, manipulation, and abuse in the dynamics of the relationship is mentally/psychologically destabilizing to many people (cognitive dissonance).
Depending on the toxic traits, psychologists call it narcissism, Borderline Personality Disorder, dark triad (Narcissism + Machiavellianism + Psychopathy), etc. Many of these people are very functional and often highly successful and in top leadership positions because there are some societal/corporate/religious patterns that materially reward these patterns (at least in the short run).
1.1. Traits to Watch Out For
It is important to understand these patterns of behavior and to set the required boundaries when you spot them or deal with them if you are caught up in a situation you cannot easily escape. This article explores the narcissistic relationship aspects/cycle/phases, common manipulative tactics, and strategies to foster healthy, nurturing environments.
Here are some of the traits to watch out for (This video explains some traits and types):
Lack of empathy (or shallow, transactional, performative empathy - may look like empathy but not real or deep)
Selfishness to the point of inability to think beyond how it benefits me, including when seemingly doing apparent good
Grandiosity (or constant victimhood),
Lack of emotional regulation, hyper-sensitivity to any feedback/criticism
Lack of inner core - need for external validation, deep insecurity, need for attention
Lack of self-reflective capacity
Unsafe relationships, family and organizational culture - make people walk on eggshells always (no psychological/emotional safety and no freedom in their presence). Demand of unquestioning loyalty. No scope for healthy disagreements
Pathological lying, misrepresentation (or inability to represent accurately)
General fakeness, immaturity, childishness, lack of authenticity (or selectively to meet own goals)
There are also different types of narcissism: grandiose, vulnerable, communal, self-righteous, neglectful, malignant:
Grandiose Type: Showman, charismatic, gets things done, wants to be the most important person in the room
Vulnerable/Covert: Victimhood, resentful, sullen, passive-aggressive, brooding anger, cruel
Communal: Need to be known as a do-gooder, savior, religious man. Driven not by commitment to cause, but primarily for validation and praise. Never going to be an anonymous donor!
Self-Righteous: Hyper moral, judgemental, right, obsession with rules/order, shaming people
Neglectful: Looks at everyone through an instrumental lens. What function do you serve me?
Malignant: Use of coercion, exploitative, abusive, groupthink, misuse of power, isolate a victim, ostracize, etc
Traits like these cause dysfunctional, toxic, and unsafe relationships, cultures, family dynamics, and organizations. It is incumbent on all of us to watch out and build healthy relationships and cultures.
2. Taking Ownership, Responsibility & Purpose
There is a lot of literature on toxic and narcissistic relationships and many educative websites/channels on the internet. Often it is presented as if the narcissists trap innocent victims. While that is largely true, I think it is more complicated than that.
2.1. What Makes an Easy Victim
People with toxic/narcissistic traits thrive off people who need them (that is how they control people). They are drawn to people they can control, manipulate, influence and dominate. They count on your bad behavior to justify theirs. It is often the preexisting deficiencies that the narcissist exploits, such as:
Your own insecurities, fear of failure
Low self-esteem
Lack of strong purpose/goals/direction
Lack of healthy social lives
People-pleasing
Lack of boundaries
Poor judgment or lack of discernment, ignoring red flags
Being a ‘yes’ man/woman
Lack of critical thinking, independent thought
Lack of solid foundation of identity, faith, authenticity, spiritual foundation
Your own superficiality/greed
Cowardice to stand up to bullies
Lack of integrity (so dependent of others protection from exposure)
Emotional dependence/reliance on others. Need of validation from others
Financial dependence (to the extent it is due to lack of competence/hard work)
Fear of failure. They promise you easy success, jobs, security etc
Past trauma (which could be and should be overcome - James 1:2-4, 1 Peter 5:7, Psalm 34:17-18)
There are situations out of one’s control, like a narcissistic parent or spouse in an arranged marriage, etc. But even in those circumstances we are called to make the best out of a difficult situation, be an example of resilience, overcoming, gain wisdom through the experience, and help others going through the same - thus making the world a better place all the more.
Narcissistic relationships cause what is known as codependency. Check this video on codependency.
2.2. Being a Repellent of Toxic Behavior
In this video, Kris Reece outlines the kind of traits that make you a repellent of toxic/narcissistic traits. There people with toxic traits may be financially/materially successful or highly gifted, but have an empty core and need constant validation (or got used to the external validation/praise so much, that begin to depend on it or addicted to it). So despite the success, they have to draw a sense of being/ego/identity that from others (kind of parasitical free-loading or supply).
These kinds of people are repellent of toxic behaviors:
Courageous truth-tellers/whistle blowers (Ephesians 5:11, Proverbs 31:8-9, Micah 6:8, Isaiah 1:17, Leviticus 5:1)
Solid sense of identity, authenticity, direction, and purpose (Ephesians 2:10, 1 John 3:18, Romans 8:28)
Assertive empathy with strong values/convictions (Colossians 3:12, 2 Timothy 1:7)
Strong discernment/wisdom - don’t fall for sweet talk (Proverbs 3:21-23, James 1:5, Proverbs 26:24-26, Romans 16:18, Matthew 7:15, 1 John 4:1, Proverbs 18:15)
Emotionally strong, fiercely independent (Galatians 5:1, Philippians 4:13, Joshua 1:9, Isaiah 40:31)
Good sense of boundaries, high level of autonomy (1 Thessalonians 4:11-12, Galatians 6:4-5, Proverbs 25:17)
Critical thinker who challenges and asks questions (1 Thessalonians 5:21, Proverbs 27:17, Acts 17:11, Matthew 7:7)
2.3. Dangerous and Courageous (Caution)
Countering toxic personalities can be dangerous. They tend to be people with probably childhood trauma (adults with the brain of a child). They may be intelligent in certain ways but emotional growth and regulation may be stunted. When countered, they may react with extreme anger and rage without control. They may respond (to the fear of exposure) with a smear campaign, gaslighting, lies, character assassination, destroying reputation, making you a public enemy, or even with physical violence. This can be dangerous and it takes a lot of mental/emotional/spiritual strength to deal with it.
Jesus countered the religious narcissists of his day (Matthew 23) who were exploiting people. They are very powerful and influential people and they were enraged for calling out their narcissism and hypocrisy. They instigated the crowd against Jesus (Mark 15:11, Matthew 27:20, John 19:6, Luke 23:23-25). Eventually, they used their influence to crucify Jesus. Standing up against bullies and toxic people can be dangerous. At the end of the day, one has to choose one's battles. Jesus chose his battle.
2.4. Can They Change?
The patterns of toxic/narcissistic behavior like the inability for deep/true empathy, lack of self-reflective capacity, need for external validation, inability to consider beyond self-interest, etc are likely childhood trauma and stunted emotional growth (or maybe even genetic), psychologists say that the chances of real change are very less, and the change can at best be a training of proper external behavior. Also because they do not often see the need for a change or have the desire to change (and have a lot of pride and ego to listen to anyone).
The challenge is that when you are discussing with people with narcissistic traits, you are not fighting the same fight, not playing the same game. You may be trying a peaceful resolution. Their only concern is uphold their image, self-preservation. They simply ignore every argument you made. Check this video.
However, I hope and would like to believe that change is possible, at least to some extent, if there is at least a small bit of willingness to change (I am not a therapist/psychologist, so more a hope than a prognosis!), even if slow, if someone like a spouse or a good friend is willing to be patient and model.
3. Typical Manipulation Techniques, Toxicity, Spiritual Abuse
Not to sound too critical or judgemental, as many times the narcissistic people are not in control, compelled to do things due to a lack of inner core or due to deep insecurities or addiction to the need for external validation (by people feeding their egos or external/material success, or even their ability to create trouble, devaluing/dehumanizing people giving them a sense of control).
Typical traits to watch out for are lack of empathy (or shallow/superficial/transactional/performative empathy), selfishness, entitlement, grandiosity (or victimhood, need for external validation, lack of self-reflective capacity, unsafe relationships, lying/misrepresenting, hyper-sensitivity, etc. This video explains some traits and types. Another video/playlist on the basics of the topic.
3.1. Abusive Relationship Aspects/Phases (Deployed on a Need Basis)
A toxic/narcissistic relationship often goes in a cycle (of a show of charm/affection (fake), devaluation, discard, hoover, and back to a show of affection. It either goes in a cycle or specific phases may be deployed on a need basis - for example, if they need you, love-bombing can start out of no where of of they think love bombing wont work, they can start a devaluation etc. This on-off, hot-cold relationship keeps the victim trapped, hooked, and confused for a long time, not knowing whether to walk out of the relationship or not.
However as explained in the previous section, it is often the victim’s deficiencies that are exploited. It is mutual. Just playing victimhood is not right either.
Image source: https://www.flourishinghope.com/services/narcissistic-abuse/the-narcissistic-cycle-of-abuse/
3.2. Love-Bombing/Idealization
People with toxic/narcissistic traits often begin relationships (or switch it on, on a need basis) with excessive admiration and affection to gain control and loyalty. However, this display is usually superficial and self-serving. Video on love-bombing and manipulation.
As needed, narcissist pretends to be your caretaker and nurturer. They will convince you that they are your biggest well-wisher. Check this video.
How do you know you being love-bombed? Check this video.
But then, you see a pattern of them being nice to some, abusive of some others. That should be a red flag.
Example: A charismatic leader in a nonprofit or church excessively praises new members to secure their trust and loyalty (Matthew 23:15)
3.3. Future Faking
They make grand promises about the future to keep their targets hopeful and compliant, rarely fulfilling these promises. Discussion on future faking.
Example: A leader promises significant organizational changes that never materialize. Or a promise of a great future together with new a beginning, even luxurious and fame etc.
3.4. Devaluation/Discard
After securing their target’s trust, they start devaluing them through subtle criticisms, passive-aggressiveness, and backhanded compliments - especially if the person has a mind of their own. Video explaining the cycle of love-bombing and devaluation.
Example: A manager belittles employees to undermine their confidence and maintain control.
3.5. Gaslighting
They manipulate their victims into doubting their own perceptions and reality, causing confusion and powerlessness. Detailed explanation of gaslighting.
Example: A religious leader denies past conversations, making the victim question their memory and sanity.
3.6. Smear Campaign
To avoid exposure and maintain control, they discredit their victims by spreading false rumors and turning others against them. Video on smear campaigns and their impact.
Of course, they will not abuse everyone. They will be polite, kind, helpful to people (as long you don’t question anything) and hence everybody believes them, but the abuse comes usually one person at a time against the truth-teller and the person with independent mind. This is what makes dealing with narcissists very complicated.
Example: A narcissistic colleague spreads malicious gossip to sabotage a coworker's reputation.
3.7. Hoovering
If they see a need, may re-engage their victims with false apologies or renewed affection after a period of discard. Video on hoovering and its effects.
Example: A former partner sends sweet messages trying to rekindle a toxic relationship.
3.8. Flying Monkeys/Enablers
People with toxic/narcissistic traits recruit others to do their bidding and reinforce their manipulative behavior. Explanation of the "flying monkeys" tactic.
Example: A narcissistic boss uses other employees to spy on and report about a target.
3.9. Projection and Blame-Shifting
They accuse others of the very behaviors they exhibit, diverting attention from their own faults. Video on projection and blame-shifting. Usually they accuse you of the very thing they themselves do.
Example: Accuse their partner of infidelity while they are the ones cheating. Or tell their target is lying when they themselves are the ones doing it.
3.10. Controlling Information
Narcissists manipulate and withhold information to maintain control and power. Video on information control. and this video
Example: A religious leader selectively shares teachings to support their authority and suppress dissent.
3.11. Creating Dependency
Narcissists make their victims feel incapable of functioning without their guidance and support. Discussion on creating dependency.
Example: A mentor convinces their mentee that their career will fail without their help. Or creates insecurity that they cannot get a job elsewhere.
3.12. Fear and Intimidation
Using threats to control behavior and keep their victims in line. Video on fear and intimidation tactics. And teach a lesson at the mildest sign of not being in line, to teach a lesson so that everyone is afraid to speak up.
You can expect a lot of coercive control, financial control etc.
Video on how to respond to bullying threats (caution)
Example: A manager threatens to fire employees who do not comply with unreasonable demands.
3.13. Triangulation
Narcissists create conflict between others to maintain control. Or create at least a third person in a relationship to create jealousy, competition, enmity, have them fight for your attention, fight with each other to be the more important person in their lives, throwing breadcrumbs here and there strategically, keeping you on tenterhooks.
Example: A narcissist gossips about one friend to another, creating distrust and tension.
3.14. Prey on Your Need for Validation
When we were children, we all looked for some validation from others. As we grow, most people develop a greater sense of confidence, self-identity, get busy with purpose/goals etc. Yet we all continue to look from some external validation as well, to some degree or the other. If the need is more, one is likely to fall victim. Watch this video.
3.15. Fear-Based Rule, Lack of Psychological Safety
Creating an environment where there is no psychological safety. Here is a video on psychological safety.
3.16. DARVO Pattern
DARVO stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. When questioned about the manipulation deployed, one can expect denial, counter-attack, and casting the victim as the oppressor (and vice versa)
3.17. Expectation of Loyalty for the Favors
They may help to give some favors, but the goal is an expectation of unquestioning loyalty, to be elated, be their enablers, be their safety net, and flying monkeys forever. If not, they will become deadly. Check this video.
Never a good idea to accept gifts, help or money etc from narcissists.
They want you to totally rely on them. Check this video.
3.18. Shaming You Into Silence
They incorporate an element of shame into the abuse by convincing you that you deserve or that it will be counter productive. Check this video.
3.19. Dark Triad Leadership
Check this video on how a Dark Triad leadership works. There create a hostile/toxic culture wherever they are. If they see obstacles (people with integrity, conviction, principles, moral) are the first targets as they don’t put up with the wrong doings of the toxic leader. Even those who are neutral will be targeted eventually. You can expect to see some facilitators - they just go along to be safe. They lack conviction to standup for what is right. And then there are co-conspirators who serve as agents of the dark triad leader. They want to be like the dark traid leaders themselves.
3.20. Spiritual Abuse
Often non-profits, religious organizations and churches become a fishing net or a playing ground for narcissists, as they can find people who are trusting, forgiving, naive etc. It is easy to impress people with religious jargon, fake claims of achievements of past (and future faking), false humility, overt display of external religiosity. They often rise to highest leadership levels as well.
Jesus confronted such people and called out their hypocrisy (Matthew 23). There are several passages that warn against fake religiosity/leaders Isaiah 29:13, Amos 5:21-24, Ezekiel 34:2-4, Jeremiah 23:1-2, Acts 20:28-30, Matthew 6:1-6, Luke 18:10-14)
You can expect to find a lot of narcissists pooled together in religious places
Kris Reece calls the Christian covert narcissism as the the worst of all in this video.
4. Groupthink
Groupthink is another manipulative tactic often employed to maintain control and suppress dissent within a group. It involves fostering a culture where conformity is valued over independent thought, leading to poor decision-making and the suppression of alternative viewpoints. Video on groupthink and its effects or this video.
4.1. Pressure to Conform
Narcissistic leaders create an environment where agreeing with the group is valued over expressing individual opinions.
Example: In a religious setting, members may feel pressured to conform to the leader's interpretations without questioning.
4.2. Suppression of Dissent
Groupthink discourages open dialogue and critical thinking, leading to the marginalization of those who disagree.
Example: In a corporate environment, employees who challenge the status quo may be ostracized or ignored.
4.3. Illusion of Unanimity
The false sense that everyone agrees can lead to poor decisions, as dissenting voices are not heard.
Example: A community organization makes a decision without considering alternative perspectives because everyone assumes unanimous agreement.
4.3. Gossip Culture With Intent to Ostracize or Teach a Lesson
While some amount of gossip may be normal to human nature, it takes extreme forms in a narcissistic group or family dynamics. If a person with narcissistic and psychopathic traits has a problem with you, they don't talk about it to you directly. They don't address it with you. They go to every single member in the family/group and backstab/gossip/villainize. The real villain is labelled the healthiest and the real healthiest one is labelled as the villain. Check this video.
Narcissism is a team sport. It is a mini-cult. Check this.
They also intentionally make friends with people you don’t like. Check this video. Enemy of a enemy is a friend. They treat you as enemy and will become friends with those they knew. Just to make you feel small. They want to have an army of people against you.
5. Toxic Family Dynamics (Patriarchal/Matriarchal Setting)
In families with a narcissistic parent or patriarch/matriarch or some dominant person in a family, toxic dynamics often emerge, affecting the entire family structure and relationships. Video on narcissistic family roles.
Narcissistic family is like a cult. The Patriarch/Matriarch must be obeyed at all times. Check this video.
5.1. How the Toxicity in Family Gets Normalized
Even the toxicity and a toxic culture is staring in the face, all or most of the family seem to be ignoring it (the first one to speak will be brutalized). How does the toxic head manage this? Often this runs in the family (generational trauma) and gets normalized. The family members get enmeshed into the whole dynamic, and it becomes about the image - how they look society, church, etc. Toxic behavior is rationalized, minimized, ignored, justified, avoid addressing the deeper issues at play pushing - they all the “in-group” become enablers and become so tunnel-visioned to see only the narcissist side of the story/reality.
5.2. Scapegoat (Child or Family Member)
One family member or child is often blamed for everything that goes wrong in the family, leading to feelings of isolation and low self-esteem. This is usually the person who shows early signs of independent thought that may not toe the line. Check this video on scapegoat. The challenge for the scapegoat is that no one believes the scapegoat. Check this video on how the scapegoat is discredited.
When one scapegoat breaks free from the toxic family dynamic the toxic head of the family is in search of the next one.
Example: The scapegoat is blamed for conflicts and issues, even when they are not responsible.
5.3. Golden Child
Another family member or child may be idealized and favored, leading to unrealistic expectations and pressure to uphold the family image.
Example: The golden child receives special treatment and is expected to excel in all areas, often at the expense of their own needs.
5.4. Invisible Child
This child is often neglected and overlooked, leading to feelings of insignificance and abandonment.
Example: The invisible child’s needs and achievements are ignored, leaving them feeling unimportant.
5.5. Patriarchal/Matriarchal Manipulation
Narcissistic parents may use guilt, fear, and manipulation to control their children and maintain their authority.
Example: The dominant patriarch/matriarch uses emotional blackmail to get their way, making the child feel responsible for the parent's happiness.
5.6. Projection and Blame-Shifting
The dominant patriarch/matriarch often project their own faults onto their children and shift blame to avoid responsibility.
Example: The dominant patriarch/matriarch accuses a family member or a child of being selfish while disregarding their own self-centered behavior.
5.7. Pseudo-mutuality (Go Along to Get Along)
The unhealthy family dynamics creates a situation where you have to go along to get along (even when you know the group is wrong). Else risk being considered an outsider or an enemy of the family. Either you are in or you are out. Here is a video on pseudomutuality.
6. Healthy and Nurturing Relationships, Families and Environment
To counter narcissistic behavior and foster a healthy culture, promoting transparency, accountability, and mutual respect is essential. Here are some strategies:
6.1. Some Relationship Advice
In friendships or if looking to marry or in dating market or in hiring or looking for business partners or looking to appoint leadership positions etc, it is important to get to know a person slowly. Get to know them in multiple contexts (especially how emotionally regulated they are when they are offended, hurt, angry or see a threat, etc). Anybody can wear a mask. Let the masks slip. Watch this video on idetifying narcissists early. Enter into relationships wiser and stronger. Check this video.
If a person consistently shows great character, emotional stability, resilience, continued focus on greater purpose and goals to make the world a better place, in the face all the challenges, obstacles, insults etc, that is the kind of person it is possible to have a healthy reciprocal relationship.
6.2. Purpose, Worship, Love, Gratitude, Forgiveness, Sacrifice
Perhaps the ultimate antidote to narcissism is worship focused on God, living with a purpose, ensuring you forgive everyone in your heart and an attitude of sacrificial love for others. A lack of purpose, hobbies, passions, direction is the narcissist magnet.
Worship is essentially focusing on God - something that we can do more and more, as we see more and more of God, ourselves, and the needs around us.
In the big picture, as we grow spiritually, worship increasingly encompasses all aspects of our life, 24X7. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 10:31, "Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God".
The focus of worship is God. It is unselfconscious - being conscious of God only, with an exclusive appreciation of God. It is not about "having a good time" nor is it about what we get out of it. All other things including well-meaning things like style, posture, musical instruments, sitting vs standing, dress code, etc fade into the background. Watch this presentation on worship.
We need the fruit of God's Spirit in us: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).
Narcissism always includes bitterness, anger, vengefulness. Ensuring that you always forgive even while maintaining healthy boundaries is a good antidote (Ephesians 4:31-32, Colossians 3:13, Mark 11:25, Luke 6:37).
Here is a video on how to deal with the false allegations and smear campaign.
Jesus said that the greatest commandment that sums up all law is to love God with all heart, soul and mind; and to love neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:36-40). He doubled down on that to love as he loved, sacrificially even unto death (John 13:34-35, John 15:12-13, 1 John 3:16-18, Ephesians 5:1-2). This attitude is the ultimate antidote to narcissism.
God is perhaps asking to love with all heart/mind/soul - not that He needs is, but as an antidote to your narcissism, and not to fall victim to other narcissists.
6.3. From Enabling to Immunity - Break Free From Narcissist/Toxic Situation
Always see beyond the sweet talk/affection and look for red flags. Stay way early on, if you see the early signs and reg flags in the beginning stages of relationship. They do show such flags, which we choose to ignore as we are enthralled by the show of affection/friendship/love-bombing. All that is fake/superficial, seasonal, so the red flags do show up from time to time. If you are busy with your goals and maintain some distance, By so doing, many times they themselves with recognize that you are not going to be their source of narcissistic supply and leave you alone, not wanting to waste their time any more.
This can be dangerous if already deep into a narcissistic relationship as it may result in the narcissist harming you in any way they can if you are financially/socially dependent on them, or by smear campaign, isolation/ostracization etc (to prevent their own exposure, as you know about them). They want you to be an extension of themselves. They can’t tolerate your authenticity and individualism and fear that you may call them out on their emptiness/insecurities. They are vengeful and unforgiving firebrands. So have to plan exit strategy meticulously. It may include developing your self-esteem, confidence to be independent, develop skills/competence to, build other relationships that are healthy, build support system to deal with the narcissistic rage and devaluation that may come on you, develop purpose/goals, a well-grounded belief system. Get rid of your your fear of failure. Unfortunately there are no short cuts but it may be good in the long run, as it builds your competence/purpose/resilience/courage. We need proper faith, if for no other reason, at least as an antidote to narcissism and to break free from narcissistic/psychopathic people and to have you own purpose/growth/goals for your own legacy.
Watch this video on being immune.
6.4. Not Just Surviving/Escaping but Thriving and Helping
Today’s challenges are tomorrows testimonies and the inspiration/help/support that you can give for others as well.
The key to survival from toxic experiences is to build a thriving, productive, flourishing, meaningful, purposeful life. Such a life that can be a inspiration to people going through such situations. So even the worst of struggles/problems can have some meaning and purpose.
Become a survivor and thrive. Not only an inspiration and a others to others, but also focus and work hard on your talents/skills and achieve great things for the world - in work, businesses, art, culture, science, technology, community building etc) and have life to the fullest. Focus on doing good work for the benefit of the world. That is what we are created for (Genesis 1:26-28, Genesis 2:15, Psalm 92:12-14, Philippians 4:6-7, Ephesians 2:10, John 10:10)
Don’t let yourself be taken over by the herd/groupthink. Be an authority outlier in your own right - confident, independent, autonomous, disciplined, develop leadership capabilities, grateful and having life to the fullest.
Develop a confidence, competence and a strong sense of self. Check this video. Don’t let the toxic people make you lose your vision/dreams. Check this video. They manipulate your self-image.
6.5. Encourage Open Dialogue
Wherever you have some influence and ability, create an environment where everyone feels safe to express opinions and concerns without fear of judgment or retribution. Valuing each person’s opinions and contributions. Address disagreements constructively and respectfully. This especially important in a church setting.
6.6. Teach Critical Thinking and Discernment
Emphasize the importance of critical thinking and questioning to help individuals recognize manipulation and seek the truth (Acts 17:11)
6.7. Model Healthy Relationships
Leaders should exemplify empathy, compassion, and boundaries, demonstrating that differing opinions are valuable and can coexist. Healthy Boundaries: Respecting personal space and individual needs. Demonstrate care and love through actions and words.
6.8. Foster Accountability
Encourage accountability among members and leaders, addressing manipulative behavior privately and respectfully. There should be plurality of decision making by boards/leadership consisting of diverse/independent thinking people who can speak speak their mind freely.
6.9. Create Support Systems
Provide resources for members to seek support and validation outside of manipulative relationships, such as therapy or support groups.
6.10. Keep Your Children Away From Narcissistic Adults in Family/Groups
Even if you are yourself stuck with having to deal with narcissists/psychopaths in a family or work or community situation, at least keep the children away from that culture or person/people. Take the hit yourself if you have to, but protect children as much as you can. Encourage their critical thinking, being their authentic selves, their ability to take feedback/criticism. Help them get rid of fear of failure.
6.11. Educate on Manipulative Tactics
Everyone should be aware and educated about common manipulation tactics and how to recognize and counter them. Video on educating about manipulation tactics.
7. References
Manipulation Tactics: 15 Common Techniques & How to Counter Them by Darlene Lancer
https://krisreece.com/2024/06/28/5-clues-to-spot-a-narcissist-christian/
https://rpmministries.org/2024/06/definitions-and-signs-of-spiritual-abuse/
Understanding and addressing narcissistic behavior is crucial in creating a healthy and supportive environment, whether in a church, workplace, or family setting. By promoting open communication, critical thinking, and accountability, we can mitigate the impact of manipulation and foster a community built on respect and empathy.